Last night, my friend Jillian Savage decided that if she ever committed an act of arson, she would be unstoppable, prompting today’s headline. Interestingly enough, this coincides with the anniversary of the Station Nightclub Fire, a morning on which I was awakened by several phone calls from nervous friends hoping I hadn’t decided to see Great White in a bout of irony.
Tomorrow is primary election day here in Nebraska, and so here on the Non-Coastal Simulacral Extravaganza, I’m providing my very own VOTER GUIDE. My endorsements, presented in completely non-journalistic fashion, are provided below.
Governor: (this one is obvious) David Hahn
The man is smart, articulate, and can definitely clearly explain his position on any issue, no bullshit. Plus he drinks PBR.
US Senate: Ben Nelson
Sure, he may vote with the Republicans some of the time, and sure I’m a lot more liberal than he is, but do we really want Pete Ricketts (son of a billionaire, named after a disease, uses comic sans) representing us? (By the way, if you’re one of those shits who has changed parties to vote in the GOP gubernatorial primary, who are you voting for in the Senate race?)
Vote FOR raising the Legislature’s annual salary. I mean, c’mon. They haven’t had a raise in years, and how can you expect progressives who aren’t independently wealthy to hold public office on a meager salary?
Bond Issue: Parks and Recreation
US House District 1: Maxine Moul
Vote FOR a bond to create parks and a bike trail along the beltway. Yay for bike trails! Yay for trees! Yay for greenways!
US House District 2: Jim Esch
He’s young and attractive, and hired Archrival to do his superb website and branding.
US House District 3: Scott Kleeb
Young, attractive, rancher/cowboy with Master’s and PhD from Yale in Western Agriculture.
Secretary of State: Don Eret or Jay Stoddard, advantage to Eret
Nebraska Unicameral Seats
District 26: Amanda McGill
I work with her, she’s great.
District 28: Mark Munger, Rick Poore
Munger is a solid choice, and I work with his daughter. Poore is more liberal, and I like that. Bill Avery is also a Democrat. Basically, Dist. 28 has a tough choice to make.
District 46: Danielle Nantkes